Romantic Relationship Can Be The Greatest Mirror To Our Unmet Childhood Needs
Go Beneath the surface of recurrent conflict to build emotional clarity and agreements that last Schedule Consultation with Dr. Ann MarieConflict Is Not The Real Problem, What's Beneath It is
Alternative to Couples Therapy = Subconscious Strategies
You’ve Noticed the Pattern—Now Let’s Break It
You’ve been here before. The same argument, just wearing different clothes. Maybe it started over something small like dishes, schedules, responsibilities or a momentus event that changed everything.
Now feeling defeating and daunted by the idea of how you will save your relationship.
Many compatible couples do get to a point in their relationship to seek help from the outside such as with couples therapy.
Once that decision is made usually one person takes on the task of scavaging through the plethora of couples Therapist. Trying to figure out who will be the best fit.
Man, woman, what about the style? Will they understand? What was their training? So many questions and also unknowns.
But what if I told you, you don’t need couples therapy but instead a strategy that in guarneteed to work or at least get down to the root of the issue.
Cue in the ‘Subconscious Strategy‘ for Couples.
Couples Therapy was missing something critical
Doing couples therapy is not an easy thing to get to.
First you either had to convince your partner – usually one person brings it up and one may be slightly more reluctant because they may think ” it doesn’t work”. Or maybe they finally see that it is the only option left to fix things – and you have “nothing to loss” in a sense because it can’t get any worse.
I get it because I have been there. I have done the traditional couples therapy and boy did I hate it. Maybe it was my naiveness of what even couples therapy entailed. But there I was sitting with my then partner each week arguing about the same thing over and over but now in front of this couples therapist that was supposed to help us.
All the feelings were so overwhelming. Feeling like I STILL was not being heard, feeling that the therapist did not say anything while a part of me was screaming inside to please say something!
Needless to say after doing 5 sessions the only thing me and my then partner agreed on is that – this is not helping.
What a defeating moment to get to. I don’t think I need to tell you that the relationship eventually ended (after 15 years).
BUT what came out of it was a perspective that many couples therapist may never have. An understanding of how it could been better and an understanding of the daunting pressure of choosing the right person to work with.
So I get it. It is not an easy choose! I wish I knew then what I know now, but everything worked out in the way it needed to for me.
Once I started a new relationship I wanted to make sure I “did this right” and prevent another failed relationship.
I will be honest – couple therapy was not my original intent. BUT! Over the years I keep getting them purely because I address it the way I wished I received help.
So NOW you know why I created this process. It is a bit different then my individual work and this is how it works…
How Hypnotherapy for Relationships & Couples Work - Works
A Structured Strategy For Success includes Couples Sessions AND individual Sessions – Every session addresses the iceberg model and ONLY individual session would include any hypnotherapy if needed, some sessions are purely “talk” but go a bit deeper with an understanding of how the subconsious mind works.
How we relate is the most complex & unique system
The Iceberg → 4 layers [conscious & the subconscious]
1) The Tip : What you are arguing about (i.e. chores, money, time and tone)
2) The programming : Core Beliefs, Patterns, Attachment Styles (core functioning like the hard drive of computer)
3) The Undercurrent : Unmet needs, invisible fears (emotions & Reactions)
4) The Bedrock : Foundational Values & Vision
1st Step - Relationship Strategy Session [2hrs]
Not your ordinary Couples Therapy. This first session is about Assessment & Strategy. An immediate deep dive and discuss of the relationship and it’s Patterns. This is also the first session for you both as well to assess if WE are all a good fit to work together. You will get a good glipse on how I work how much I engage and if that level of engagment is what you are looking for.
2nd Step - Relationship Sprint [Package]
This isn’t about changing your partner (though that might happen naturally). This isn’t about who’s right or wrong. This is about interrupting the cycle and ridding any old childhood patterns that may not be serving you and the relationship.
The Relationship Sprint is divided into individual + couples Session. Individual work is critical because perspective is different for each perspm and the view that each partner is not the same. Individual work helps to move the couples sessions faster.
Package Designed Specifically for Couples sessions as well as “Split” to use in individual sessions.
In our work together, you’ll discover:
• Why you keep having the same fight (and how to have different ones)
• The hidden patterns that are running your relationship on autopilot
• How to feel heard and understood again
• Ways to reconnect that don’t feel forced or fake
Most Frequently Asked Questions for Couples
What if my partner refuses to come
Many successful couples start with just one person. When one partner begins changing their patterns, it often naturally shifts the entire relationship dynamic. I can work with you individually first to help you approach your partner in a way that feels less threatening to them. Often, once they see positive changes, they become more open to joining.
Many of my couples actually start off this way. I do however like to get some individual time to “catch up” in a sense the the partner that hasn’t come in.
After that we engage in couples work were both are seen together.
How do I bring this up without starting a fight?
Focus on your own feelings rather than what they’re doing wrong. Try: ‘I’ve been thinking about us, and I want to invest in making things even better between us. I found someone who might be able to help us both feel more connected.’ Avoid words like ‘fix’ or ‘problems’—frame it as growth, not repair.
It would be best to share this page or website so they can investigate themselves to assure alignment with the provider (being me).
Will this actually work?
Research shows that couples therapy has a 70-80% success rate when both partners are engaged. What makes the difference is addressing the underlying patterns, not just surface communication. Most couples see improvement within the first few sessions when we work at the deeper levels.
What if this makes things worse?
In 10+ years in the mental health space, I’ve never seen a relationship get worse when both people are committed to understanding each other better.
Sometimes things feel temporarily uncomfortable as you break old patterns, but that’s growth, not damage. I’ll guide you through any difficult moments.
Do we both have to participate equally?
Equal effort looks different for different people. Some are naturally more verbal, others show up through actions. What matters is that you’re both willing to be curious about your patterns and try new approaches.
What if it is too late for us?
If you’re both still willing to try, it’s not too late. I’ve worked with couples on the verge of divorce who rediscovered why they fell in love. The fact that you’re here asking this question means there’s still something worth fighting for.
Do you do virtual sessions?
Yes, virtual sessions can be just as effective as in-person, and sometimes more comfortable for couples who feel anxious about therapy. You’ll be in your own space, which can help you feel safer to open up.
Why should I trust you over other therapists?
As a Medical Doctor, I understand the physiological aspects of stress and attachment that most therapists aren’t trained in. I work with the nervous system and subconscious patterns, not just conscious communication. Plus, I’ve been where you are—I understand relationship struggles from both professional and personal experience. I beleive personal experince can be a huge advantage to help a couple. It is sort of like going to a bartender for relationship advise when they have only been in a relatioship for maybe 1-2 years at most – you would NOT do it.
I love helping couples, it is a unique challnage then individual work and I love the challange.
I love helping couples re-connect because it has been my hardest lesson in life. As a foster kid and severly neglected as child I struggled in relationships very early in my life. I tried traditional couples therapy before and honestly something was missing from it that I am conscious to include in my work.
I have had 3 very long term relationships last for 3 years, 15 years and now in a 7 year relationship. So I personally get it! I have helped couples who have been together for 1 year all the way to 25 years spart re-connection and gain clarity on deep patterns.
Do you take sides?
Never and I do my best to assure you and your partner doesn’t feel that way, but it is a delicate dance that only a trained professional can understand.
My role is to help both of you understand your patterns and create new ones together. I’m trained to see the system, not individual blame. Usually, what looks like one person’s ‘problem’ is actually a dance you’re both doing unconsciously.
The dynamic between two people is the system and understanding that system is critical in healing.
What if we're not compatible?
True incompatibility is rare. What feels like incompatibility is usually unmet needs and different attachment styles. When couples understand each other’s deeper needs and fears, they often discover they’re more compatible than they thought.
What exactly do you do that's different?
I work with the 4 layers beneath surface conflicts: the immediate trigger, your unconscious programming from childhood, hidden fears and needs, and core values. Most therapy only addresses the tip of the iceberg—I go deeper to create lasting change.
What if we're not compatible?
True incompatibility is rare. What feels like incompatibility is usually unmet needs and different attachment styles. When couples understand each other’s deeper needs and fears, they often discover they’re more compatible than they thought.
Logic That Goes Beyond Science and To The Heart of Relationships
Hi, I’m Dr. Ann Marie and I’m not your traditional couples therapist.
You don’t need to be a doctor to know relationships are hard. Relationships are my jam. Everything I help people do involves relating to others. I bring a unique perspective that combines clinical expertise with real-world understanding. I don’t just know the theory—I understand the physiology of stress, the neuroscience of attachment, and how our subconscious patterns shape every interaction we have. I went to Medical School to learn why we suffer and to heal people but what I found is the greatest cause of suffering stems from our core relationships. Your core relationship shape so much of who we are today – so your relationship with your mother, your father, or care givers as a child. Much of my work centers around healing relationships.
Ann Marie Balkanski, MD
